On some days, you'd just wake up tired. Your body's perfectly fine but mentally it's a different story. You had 8 hours of sleep, had a nice dinner last night, yet you wake up feeling like everything's wrong.

It's bright and sunny outside but your whole body has been drained of energy and you're just there in your room yearning for the world to turn dark. Because somehow, darkness has become a friend, a peaceful, minding-my-own-business friend, who would not scream at you, telling you what you should be doing, instead she's just there, to listen.

Nothing but just

I was the happiest I've been when I was there with you.
But then I woke up.
And it became the worst nightmare I've ever had.

In love with life

I only see darkness ahead

She sees potential in life

My mind, my agonizing thoughts,

What do i do with this fear.

I'm alone, I'm lost

Slowly decaying.

She told me once,

She doesn't believe in love.

When i see her eyes, it's true

She's only in love with life

I'm shackled, I'm bound,

To this dark hole; I can't run.

I need help, I want to trust,

But left and right, liars hum.

She observes, her lips always sealed,

To make her laugh is a bliss.

Her eyes shining, always observing,

Body recoiling at the slightest touch.

When she's here, she heals,

Temporary, but significant.

To care for her, i'd have a purpose,

But life doesn't seem to want it that way.

You see,

she's in love with nature,

she's in love with the world,

she's in love with life.

She is life.

I'm in love with her.

A suicidal soul smitten with life.

Stronger

Earlier today I was at The Curve with my friends. We were walking towards an escalator and we saw a boy, no more than 8 years old, lying face down on the ceramic floor of the shopping mall. The boy of Chinese descent was lean and thin, with red rosy cheeks colouring his face. He was crying and right next to him was his father, telling him to get up.

At first it seemed as if the boy was a spoiled kid, not wanting to get up because his father didn't let him have his way.

"Get up! Get up now!"

I realized that the boy was crying not because he was spoiled, but because he literally couldn't get up. Leg braces were covering most of the boy's thin legs, a clear statement to the world that he has trouble walking without support. It was when I saw those braces I started to feel bad for the boy.

A question popped up in my head and probably in many other passers by was "Why isn't that father helping his son? Is he that frustrated with his son that he just resorted to yelling at his kid?". 

It then struck me that the father was sweating, and his eyes weren't eyes of anger but eyes of trepidation. They kept shuffling between his son and the public who had their gaze on him. Judging him for being a bad father.

After countless of "Get up now!" by the father, the son did what we all thought he couldn't do.

He pushed his chest away from the floor using his hands, moved his legs and wearily got into a squatting position. Slowly but eventually, his body raised and his legs straightened. He was crying throughout his motions as it was obvious that it took a lot of effort and he was very much in pain.

But there he was, without any support from his father, standing straight.

Turns out he wasn't angry nor frustrated with the metal plated boy in the first place. He did what a great father would've done.

He helped his son grow stronger that day.

Screwed

"Babe, I want to follow you tonight,"
"Okay sayang, if you say so."

Shakir lit up his cigarette. Tonight would be his 12th time taking part in an illegal race. A jackpot of RM5000. Winner takes all. He doesn't really care about the jackpot though. To him, illegal racing is just for the adrenaline rush and a way to remember his dad who had died in a car crash when he was 11. An insane method to pay tribute to someone, but he couldn't care less about his life.

Someone he does care about is his girlfriend, Syazwin. The one who has always been by his side through his ups and downs, perpetual delusions and constant nightmares. The only one who actually cares about his life, since his mother somehow just vanished from his life 10 years ago, never knowing what happened to her. His mother never really showed much compassion to him after his dad passed away, she was always by the window, gazing at the sky as if hoping that her husband would miraculously come down from the heavens above.

The only theory he could think of is that his mother abandoned him, not being able to bear the weight of taking care of a 13-year-old, damaged teenager alone. There he was, a lonely teenager who was taken in by his uncle and aunt, and they did so just to get the extra cash from the government for taking him in.

Albeit his depressing past, career-wise, Shakir has been doing pretty well. A few years back he took part in a local amateur racing tournament and won the cup. A motorsports company scouted him and offered him a pretty decent contract. Racing illegally is just another method for him to relief himself from all the bad nightmares of his past that has been haunting him his whole life.

---

Shakir stepped on the gas the second the light turned green. His girlfriend was riding shotgun, shouting in excitement as they sped through the dark road, overtaking his opponents with ease. They were leading comfortably after 5 minutes in and another 3 km to go. A sharp turn was ahead of them and Shakir decided to accelerate through it, thinking he'll make it through with an unbeatable record time but he miscalculated his speed and the sharpness of the turn which caused his car to skid violently. He tried to control his car, his girlfriend's excitement immediately turned into high-pitched screams for dear life. The car rammed into a tree at a speed that would render most drivers and front passengers to bits of flesh.

---

Shakir's eyes opened slowly, trying to adjust his eyes with the brightness of the room. He then postured himself in a sitting position with surprising ease. He looked around and realized that he was in a hospital bed. His body was physically wrecked, bruises and wounds all over his body but he did not feel any sort of agonizing pain. "It must be the painkiller," he whispered to himself. Suddenly, he remembered everything that had happened that night and his stomach turned as he thought about Syazwin. He quickly got up from his bed to hopefully find her somewhere but before he could leave the room, his mother, out of all the people in the world, entered his room.

After all these years, she suddenly decided to show up, Shakir felt a surge of anger quickly building inside him. Her face was full of guilt. She also didn't seem to age much in the past 10 years.

"Hi Shakir, it's been a while," His mother said.

"Why.. How.. WHY ARE YOU HERE?! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"I'm sorry... I know I've been away-"

"10 YEARS! WHY NOW?!"

"I was drunk that day and I made a terrible mistake... I followed some bad people and-"

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT WHAT YOU DID, YOU LEFT ME JUST LIKE THAT!"

"As soon as I heard about the car crash, I immediately tried to be here for you..."

"Oh god, where's Syazwin?!"

"The girl who was sitting next to you in the car? She's not here and... she's not around dear..."

"Oh god, no please no, oh my god I just killed her, I... She would've been alive if.... if I hadn't let her follow me to that stupid race..."

Hot torrents of grief coursed down his face, his violent sobs robbing him of his ability to breathe properly.

Suddenly, the door of his room was knocked on and a figure came in. Shakir clung on to hope that it was his girlfriend, his Syazwin who had knocked on the door.

It was his dad.

"But son," his mother said, "she did survive..."

Help

It wasn't his fault

To be created by lust

A hopeless enigma

Marked as a stigma

Nine years old

Never learnt to be bold

Does as he's told

To beg for gold

Fake sorry glances

They waved him away

There goes his chances

For he shall pay

Back to his shelter

As usual, empty-handed

To his 'caretaker'

Where he would be belted

He couldn't comprehend

What he did to deserve this

To feel sorrow and pain

Every day, again and again

He would look up to the stars

While praying for happiness

And to get rid of all the scars

That rendered him helpless.

--

Me and you, we're basically living in heaven on earth. That boy has nothing. The only difference that divides us and him is that we were born in different circumstances. Ours much better than his. So give out a helping hand for those in need. For each step towards helping humanity is a step forward in making happier lives.

We are the lucky ones.

And it wasn't his fault.

Daydreamer

I'm a daydreamer

daydreaming 'bout the girl

the girl who changed me

she made me whirl

I'm a daydreamer

daydreaming 'bout how she talked

the way she smiled

the way she walked

I'm a daydreamer

daydreaming 'bout our first day

I wasn't doing so good

but you accepted me anyway

I'm a daydreamer

daydreaming 'bout that night

when you collapsed,

I held you tight

I'm a daydreamer

daydreaming 'bout your illness

I wish you didn't have to suffer

and worry about your fitness

I'm a daydreamer

daydreaming 'bout those meth

you wanted a party

I didn't know it brought you death

I'm a daydreamer

daydreaming 'bout joining you

a suicidal plan,

can't wait to see you

Here I am in my last seconds

hanging by a rope

contemplating if you were actually true

because it might have been just a daydream