Mother

Mother remember when that day happened?
I took what was the most precious to you
Mother you were wailing and crying
I didn't know i could throw the knife that hard
Pierced dad, it did.

Mother remember when they said it was a freak accident?
And you accepted it, a freak accident.
Mother you still loved me
Even though deep down inside, you knew
I was a killer with a temper.

Mother remember that gash on your forehead?
Yet you were worried about the cut on my hand
Mother you still forgave me
After i wounded you with that shard,
Selfishly and angrily

Mother remember you said you loved me?
Not once did i reply
Mother you still stayed with me
Through the years i struggled
A delinquent after dad's death

Mother i found a note in your favourite book

"God please forgive him,
He made a big mistake
I've already lost my husband
I can't lose my son

God give me strength,
To live till the day i see my son
Free from his struggles
Smiling at me, saying i love you"

Mother remember when it happened?
I stole your car that night and saw a lady
by the roadside, she was searching for something
I was drunk and angry, rammed into her i did.

A second before the car hit her,
the headlights shone on her face
A face i know too well
those weary eyes, that have always said

I love you son

Mother I'm sorry.
Mother I love you

Eyes

I've seen a grown man in a suit, with a bouquet of bright coloured flowers in one hand and guiding his child who was barely 3 years old with the other. As he laid the flowers next to a gravestone, he stood there for a while and his eyes gave away. Eyes that tried to blink back tears, trying to be firm, for the child next to him. Eyes that were heartbroken deep inside.

The girl, who was wearing a black dress with a pink cap that had the words 'Happy Birthday Princess'  at the front of it, was still holding her father's hand. She could only look up at her father and contemplate as to why her father was so sad. Eyes so confused because he should be happy as it was Christmas Day and it was her birthday too. Eyes that were still too young to understand, that on the gravestone, was her mother's name. Passed away on the 25th of December.

2 in 1

Couples kissing, drunk passengers in the Underground or preferably called as the tube by Londoners, jackets, gloves, blonde hair, blue eyes, boomboxes, buskers, hot chocolate, i could go on for quite a while.

I've had the gratifying chance to be able to visit England for a lengthy period of time, and it has been quite a pleasant experience to say the least. The weather here right now is pretty cold, with reports of snow in the near future which i am pretty excited about. Jakun, to be precise.

Hot chocolate is the Milo here for me, consuming at least two cups a day whilst reading the novels I've brought to England. The Kite Runner is a really good read, so good that i bought the author's other novel, A Thousand Splendid Suns today. KL Noir's second installment (KL Noir: White) is also a good read, writers writing about the dark side of life revolving our beloved Kuala Lumpur.

-mini new post-

If you're a Malaysian reading this, and you're currently in Malaysia, you're really lucky. Being far away from my friends, the beautiful (and conisderably hot) weather, nasi lemak, teh tarik, roti canai, and a thousand more types of Malaysian delicacies (seems like i miss the food more than my friends), really makes me want to go home as soon as possible. Malaysia is a beautiful country, it is my country, and a sense of love towards it is undeniable.

Take a moment to appreciate the lovely things of our country, the weather, the environment, the food. There are of course unavoidable antipathetic things in our country, but what our community has mostly been doing, is acts of condemnation. Instead of condemning, why not advise? Instead of condemning, why not give ideas? Condemning would only go as far as to inculcate vexation in others. Less hate, more positivity. Your words and actions would make or break our country.

Negaraku, tanah tumpahnya darahku.

Away we go

Thrilled.

It's 12:15 a.m. of the 21st November 2013, and finally, it's tomorrow. The idea of going to the U.K was pretty perturbing at first, mainly because i didn't know what to expect (i still dont), but then i realized it should be a fun adventure so i'm setting a positive mindset for this journey through and through.

I might be writing bits of my adventure while i'm there. That is if i have internet access (fingers crossed). I don't know who's really reading my blog, but it's been getting quite a number of views. I'm trying not to reveal my personal life out here in the open, it's predominantly a blog for me to just share my views and thoughts.

The next post would probably be posted from the U.K.

Until then.

Moments

A little girl, barely able to handle a whole trolley by herself, with eyes shining bright as she looked at her father who was standing metres away.

"Dad dad! Stand there, look!"

She pushed a trolley she was trying to handle and stopped it right before it came in contact with her father. But dad wasn't looking, he was busy checking his phone. Instead, he just nodded and ignored her daughter, who was then looking right up at her father's eyes, waiting and hoping for praise or applause.

This happened right in front of my eyes yesterday.

And then I remembered, something similar occurred months back; let me recall it in words.

Class just finished, I was in a mamak store on my own. Across from me, a father and his son were chilling and waiting for their orders to arrive. The son looked no older than 5 years old. His father took out a pack of cigarettes, lighted one cigarette up and left the pack on the table.

The kid reached for the pack and then held it in his small hands. He looked at it for awhile, averted his gaze to his father, who wasn't paying attention and was smoking right in front of his son. The next few seconds crushed me.

"Ayah, kenapa ayah hisap rokok?"

"Hm"

"Ayah, bukan ke rokok tak bagus untuk kita?"

No response from the father. Not even a glance at his son.

And then the kid did something I wish I could've captured with my camera, from the angle which I was seated, the father's back to me, the son's face fully in sight.

The kid looked up at his father, eyes gleaming with thoughtful expression, as if his tiny heart was hoping that his dad didn't have to smoke.

The father continued blowing smoke out of his mouth. Not once did he looked at his son. Only if he did and saw what I had seen, he might've just changed his way of life, for the child in front of him.

Walk it

Today I went to renew my passport. The whole process took 5 hours. 4 hours 40 minutes of waiting and 20 minutes to actually just renew the passport. I don't really blame the services or the system, it's just that the whole place was swarmed with people. With little to do and basically hundreds (possibly reaching 4 digits) of people walking past by in front of me as I was sitting down on a chair in the hallway, the shuffling of feet caught my attention.

And a thought came to my mind, 'Is it possible to predict someone's personality based on the way they walk?' So I began observing. Relentlessly observing for hours (yep hours, I was that bored) , similarities could be seen seen between the way they walk and the way they dress up.

Note: I know my observations could be wrong, don't condemn me. I did this for fun.

People who do not make sounds when they walk: Tendency of being physically sharper in terms of how they wear their clothes is higher. Which explains why they don't make sounds while walking; they are more aware of how they present themselves in public.

People who make sounds when they walk: tendency of wearing loose and unfitting clothes are higher. Physically not as presentable as the category above, neatness of clothes mostly didn't seem to matter to them.

And then there are some sub categories which i wont list them all cause it's pretty minor. Although, one which I think is particularly the most common is that some would wear baggy pants, loose clothes and slippers but they still don't make any sound when they walk. (Well, we all have those days of not caring about how we look in public, and then regretting the decision as we stumble upon our friends in malls lol)

It was quite obvious to note who wore unfittingly on purpose and not on purpose. How to divide these two types? Those who wore unfittingly on purpose, you can still see through the type of slippers and/or watches that they wear, how their hair is maintained and so forth.


So all in all, my conclusion/opinion is that your personality reflects on how you walk. Try observing for yourself! I was amazed at how something so inconsequential could prove a really big point. Some of you might want to observe how you walk after reading this post. Well my advice is, don't walk and look down and see if you make any sound or not cause you'd in all likelihood be biased towards yourself (you'd avoid making sounds). So tell a family member or a friend, to observe the way you walk when you're not aware of it!

Anyway, just an experience that got me thinking. Have a good day everyone. Walk like a boss.

Toast

Here's a toast to this new blog.